

"Well worth a watch." - Tom Scott, this one time
BOB THE FISH PRODUCTIONS
ENTERTAINMENT ON TOAST
BBC2: 27 AUGUST 1990

What is the second August Bank Holiday for, anyway? Is it just to mark the death of summer, the last chance to drive down the M5 for a weekend patronising the locals who have to live on beachfront towns all year long? Whatever the reason, we just lived through one (in fact this was written on it) and here’s another, in 1990. Again, sorry. On BBC 2, this time, though.
This was back when it wasn’t a terribly popular station. The '|'\\’() logo made it look, as Martin Lambie-Nairn’s survey revealed, “dull and worthy”, and the programming didn’t exactly discourage that perception. Lots of arts documentaries and serious drama, and even the comedy output tended to be about Thatcher’s Bloody Britain. Let’s see if the Bank Holiday changes that at all.
Before the day starts properly there’s a bit of Open University. Something from the Humanities faculty: Chardin and the Female Image. Presumably referring to Jean-Pierre Chardin, the eighteenth-century painter of still lives and portraits.
That doesn’t really count, though, as it’s just taking up a random half-hour during BBC 2’s downtime. Even after it’s finished there’s still 85 minutes before the day really begins at nine. With a repeat of Mastermind from ten years earlier. Presumably with the announcement over the end credits not to actually write in to the address Magnus just gave to enter the 1981 contest, because it’s a repeat, you thick twat.
The random archive-raiding continues at 9:30 with A Slice In Time, which as far as I can tell is a one-off documentary, possibly not even made by the BBC, about a sort of archaeological rescue mission. A farmer in County Antrim purchased land that included a historical mound full of 2nd century Irish artefacts, but decidedly not for the artefacts. After taking him to court to get him to not bulldoze them into oblivion and failing, the DOE had to dig them up themselves on the quick-fast. This is that story, presented by Brian Lacy and first shown in 1989. It’s repeated here presumably to fill up half an hour and was never seen again.
Bank Holiday weekend means sport, and indeed there’s a full programme of Grandstand over on BBC1 this afternoon, flicking between the European Athletics Championship, the Third Test of England’s series against India (a draw, which meant we won the series 1-0) and some horses. Right now on '|'\\’(), though, half an hour’s highlights of the Belgian Grand Prix. Ayrton Senna won.
Bank Holiday movie time! And yes,it’s Western. Of sorts. A Civil War film, really. Friendly Persuasion has Gary Cooper playing against type as a man of peace who refuses to get involved on account of being a Quaker. Quite good, apparently, and what’s more the Confederates are the bad guys, by and large, which makes a change.
That takes us up to the thick of lunchtime, and as if to persuade you to turn the television off and make a sandwich, it’s Songs of Praise. Alright, that’s cruel, but this is repeated from yesterday, ie Sunday, when pretty much everyone who watches Songs of Praise deliberately will have watched it.
After that at 25 minutes past one, it’s time for the traditional lunchtime pre-schoolers slot! This would eventually evolve into a full-fledged Children’s BBC slot with birthday cards, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Just an episode of Bertha (lovely Bertha) announced by whoever was on duty at Pres B that day over a Children’s BBC ident. Bertha was the other other Ivor Wood production after Postman Pat and Charlie Chalk, set on factory floor. What kind of factory? Any kind, because they had Bertha, the vaguely anthropomorphic machine that could produce anything. Like a cornucopia re-imagined by a 19th century industrialist and designed by

their five year old daughter. Somehow, in-universe, capitalism survives intact despite this single-handed elimination of scarcity. There’s added poignancy in that the entire factory (except the women, who were Sheila Walker) was voiced by Roy Kinnear, who had died two years earlier.
After that, Bank Holiday movie time! Again! This is for all those people shut in on their own all afternoon on Bank Holiday Monday: an epic that eats up three hours in one fell stroke. Specifically, it’s Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi, so at least it’s worth the time. It always gets me that Candice Bergen gets second billing, because both she and her character are more famous than anyone in the cast except Gandhi himself, when she doesn’t even show up until the last twenty minutes. Not her fault, of course.
Once that’s over and done with (he dies in the end), some Grandstand overspill, and eventually continuation. While horses and athletics are over on BBC1, the third test up to stumps comes to BBC2, and all things being equal the timing should line up so the evening’s action in the European Athletics Championships. That year’s meet was in Split, then in Yugoslavia, a mere six months before unimaginable horror broke out in the region, that city included. Good timing. This was a good period for British Athletics; both of the guys mentioned in the listing - Tom McKean and Steve Backley - got Gold; Linford Christie and John Regis got a Gold and a Bronze each; and there was shiny yellow for Kriss Akabusi, Roger Black, Colin Jackson and the men’s 400m relay team (including Regis and Black again). Alright, so it was mostly a good period for the British Men, but we had Yvonne Murray and Sally Gunnell as well; the former got a gold, and both lady relay teams got bronze.
So that swallows up the early evening, after which, some wartime nostalgia for the increasingly aging. The Blitz was just weeks shy of having started 50 years ago at this point. For perspective, 50 years from typing this, Sailing by Rod Stewart was at number two in the charts. The people who lived through the war had mostly left middle age and many were starting to verge on elderly. So there was a lot, and I mean a lot of World War Two nostalgia around in the nineties, particularly the first half leading to the 50th anniversary of VE day. It’s not a coincidence that Goodnight Sweetheart was one of the most popular sitcoms of the 90s, or even that it existed at all. For all that preamble, though, this is actually Now That The War Is Over, a series of documentaries covering, essentially, the Attlee years - post-war recovery and austerity. Today’s episode is about going back to school after the war, and the new tripartite education the Labour Government introduced. Originally made in 1985 and being repeated here because it’s late August, pretty much the deadest zone for original programming of the year. There’s winter season, spring season, early summer (which is more a sort of low-key second wave of spring) and autumn season. (And Christmas, of course.) And in between the last two lie the summer holidays, where most people are off sunning themselves rather than watching television and the schedules fill with repeats and random movies until the new season arrives right before it grinds to a complete halt.
And here’s another random movie! Central Park, by no-nonsense here’s-the-subject director Frederick Wiseman, one of those documentarians like Ken Burns whose films are always straightforwardly named after their subject. Except Titicut Follies, I suppose. This is presumably less harrowing than that, being a just-shy-of-two-hour natural history of one of the most famous green spaces in the world. Having said that, it does also include the muggers and rapists who haunt the place, and indeed it’s interesting timing in general, with two of the Central Park Five already convicted and the other three awaiting trial amidst hysterical shrieking about “wolfpacks” and “wilding”, which more or less didn’t exist.
That takes us all the way to ten past eleven and fifty minutes of highlights from this year’s Notting Hill Carnival. Elaborate costumes, flamboyant dancing, coppers lurking darkly in the background, and music from Caron Wheeler, Arrow (the Monserrattian soca musician, not the hair metal band - he was the one who did “Hot Hot Hot”. Never occurred to you that anyone in particular did that song, did it? Well, it was him) and Aswad, who later christen the beginning of the traditional riot by being thrown through the window of Currys.
That brings us to midnight and effectively closedown. The Open University gets the next twenty-five minutes with more from the humanities faculty - a new museum in South Kensington. Don’t know which that is. The big three - Natural History, Science and V&A - have all been there since the 19th Century.
Anyway, after that, strangely tucked away as almost a secret bonus feature, highlights of the day’s play in the Third Test. Maybe back then they couldn’t put the highlights together any quicker than that? It’ll be on again tomorrow morning, anyway, in the same slot it was today, and for all intents and purposes that’s its real slot. Again: it was a draw.
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